I was really stimulated to embrace Lent this year. Since reading about “turn away” I have been much more mindful of where I am casting my gaze. After reading Ugochi’s two posts on masturbation (Is it sinful?, How to stop) I decided I would cut out pornography and masturbation completely. As is my wont I have monitored everything closely.
- “Turn away” has been very effective and has even affected my mood generally
- Pornography I haven’t missed at all. Odd how sometimes a habit will just fall away without a murmur.
- Keeping my hands off myself was harder, and by mid-March I was seething with lust and wondering if I could last till the end of the month, let alone Easter. However, I made it!
During Lent, the duration of 40 days seemed like a target. Now I am on the other side of it (especially perhaps as Easter had that special landmark), it feels more like a door I have walked through. I have no desire to watch pornography. I am quite horny most of the time but I don’t want to masturbate, and I feel in control of that.
I used to have pornographic sexual fantasies running in my head almost all the time. Now, they rarely pop up, and when they do they are so obviously weak echoes of habitual reflexes. My horniness and lust is undirected and kind of purely sensual.
What now?
The obvious thing would be to pounce on my wife, but I think I should take that slowly.
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messymarriage
/ 2017-04-22I think this is such a honorable fight and resistance that you are waging, David. I hope that you keep it up with the strength of the Lord and not in your own willpower.
I’m intrigued by how the brain deals with our “addictions.” I am trying to cut out sugar from my diet because I know that it acts like a drug to trigger cravings. But if I can cut it out, then my brain will, at some point I suppose, calm down–ceasing to be driven by sweets. All that to say, I do appreciate how God changes the “chemistry” of our brains when we make healthy choices in our lives.
I don’t know exactly why you want to “take it slow” with your wife. Seems like a great place to find release–increasing that loving connection! That can only be a good thing in my book! ;-) Keep up the good work, my friend!
David
/ 2017-04-23Dear Beth, three good points!
1. I am learning to draw on God for strength and especially for stability. I have to say I draw a lot of strength from the advice and encouragement I receive out here in Christian cyberspace. I feel a bit of a leech and I hope I can pay back.
2. Those sugar highs and crashes are bad. Complex carbs are good for slow-release sugars (personal fave: baked sweet potato). Oh your last sentence is very good! Now my brain is in a whole new state, and its choices and desires will be different.
3. On taking it slowly I’ll be writing more soon. Basically, it’s only now that it even seems a possibility.
messymarriage
/ 2017-04-23Regarding #1, I wanted to share that my friend Marie (she’s in our FB Bible study) said the other day how eloquent and insightful you are in your comments there. I agree and thought you might be encouraged to know that your faith is showing in Christ in inspiring ways whether you realize it or not!
David
/ 2017-04-23Thank you very much for feeding back! I love being part of the group & very happy if people like my contribs.