Lent might be a good time to review progress against my bad habits.
It’s four bad habits now. I haven’t gained a bad habit. After reading Is It Sinful to Masturbate? recently, I decided to change my attitude to masturbation (the physical act itself) and think of it as a sin and a bad habit. It obviously “goes with” the other bad habits on the list.
wearing ladies lingerie
I threw out all my clothes and things last August and I haven’t shopped or browsed since. I have turned down perfect “opportunities” to return to the indulgence. So I think this habit is behind me for the time being.
I still like the idea of it, all the things I wrote in my review of Wearing God, but I don’t want to go down that road again.
Also I should say that the “new crowd” that has emerged in the last decade — the highly politicised “trans” activists — are inadvertently helping me keep away from dressing up. I don’t like them at all: politically, psychologically or aesthetically. Part of my not wanting to get back into dressing up must be not wanting to be associated with them.
From say the late 80s until very recently I would look at some porn almost every day. First magazines, then pictures on the internet and latterly internet video (very rarely bought videos or DVDs). Last August, as well as throwing out all the clothes, I deleted all my porn. From then till Christmas I didn’t look at anything, but this year it has been making a comeback.
I have these slumps where I am drenched in porn for a few days at a time. It can be there all the time on my phone or iPad. Sitting in the same room or even lieing in bed with my wife while she reads I might be watching porn. I created a special twitter account for it, in case I RT’d or faved some porn using my work account.
These binges last two or three days and happen two or three times a month.
The porn binges tend to happen after I haven’t masturbated for 4 or 5 days (yes I am keeping a log).
Because of the way I watch porn, my masturbating is almost completely disjoint from my watching. I go without for as long as I can. Then when I can’t any more, I grab whatever safe quick opportunities I can — in the loo or shower at home or at work.
The way I’m working at the moment, I’m not having business trips away to visit clients, so no scope for long all-evening sessions (which in the past would incorporate watching pornography and/or wearing lingerie).
After discovering “turn away” I feel good about making progress on this one, and this is my main focus during Lent.