Until yesterday I had always thought of repentance as contrition, in the sense of feeling bad about my sins, bemoaning all the bad things I had done. I had thought of it as entirely oriented on the past.
Reading about Lent I learnt that repentance had another, future-oriented, sense.
In the Wikipedia entry on repentance:
Generally in the Old Testament the term repentance comes from the Hebrew word group that means “turn away from.”:1007 Sometimes this word group is employed to request a turning from sinful activity (Jeremiah 8:6). In the New Testament the μετανοέω/metanoeo word group can mean remorse but is generally translated as a turning away from sin (Matthew 3:2).:1007
 T.C. Mitchell, ‘Repentance’ New Bible Dictionary (Leicester: Inter-Varsity Press, 1996): 1007–8.
And in my Oxford Companion to the Bible:
The phrase “turn away from” really hit me.
For one thing, it means the Bad Thing is already in front of me. It doesn’t mean, “don’t do X” or “you used to do X, in future you mustn’t”. It means something more like, “you are doing X now — stop it!” or “you are about to do X — take a detour!” It seems very immediate. It also seems to say, “it’s not too late.” It seems perfect for when temptation comes and finds me.
The physicality of the phrase also — almost shocked me. Physically turn away from what I am doing, from what I am looking at.
I read the Wikipedia entry on my phone on the bus into town and was quite disturbed by the phrase “turn away from” and everything it was stirring up inside me.
The bus stopped and a babe in leggings walked past me to get off. Without thinking my eyes went to her behind. The phrase was there, “turn away”. Again without thinking I found myself looking out the window.
In town my bad habit of eyeing up women was confronted again and again with this phrase. If my gaze had latched on to some woman in front of me it would lift my gaze away. It even seemed to work pre-emptively: if I sensed a temptation in the corner of my visual field, this phrase would find me something to look at in the other direction. Writing in the cafe I would sit and write. Walking along the street I would look where I was going and think about what I was doing.
I was in town today again. Both days the phrase was with me, helping me.
So “Turn Away” is my Word For Lent. I am going to hold on to it tightly, and it is going to help me “give up” eyeing up women.
Why do I want to write about all this cringe-worthy stuff here?
- Wrestling with these issues is the whole point of the blog and of this online persona.
- Taking the time and care to write up these experiences and decisions (hopes), makes them firmer in my mind.
- If any “fellow sufferers” pass by and read, it might help them.
- Words of support and encouragement are always welcome of course :) anytime :)
- Words of admonition and correction are also always welcome. I want to learn, I can take criticism and new ideas, and if necessary, I can disagree in a respectful and friendly way.