Two pivots. Pivot 1: down

“Pivot” might be my word for 2016 — or at least for part of it.

*** Nov 2015

Beginning of November last year was a sudden strong down pivot.

I was in London for a few days at a conference for work, staying at a hotel. In September and October I was full of the joys of holiness. I had finished my second read-through of the Psalms, and I was looking forward to spending these London evenings praying, reading Christian blogs, and choosing Psalms for a little booklet.

It didn’t work out like that. On the train down I wore my favourite white bra & panties. After checking into my hotel I went out shopping. I went to Debenhams and bought their J by Jasper Conran Purple satin long nightdress, and then I went to Ann Summers and bought their satin & lace Lena teddy.

The conference was exciting and inspiring but also challenging and tiring (I wasn’t presenting but I did a lot of high-level mingling and networking). I spent the evening dressed up in the teddy rolling around with myself, and I slept snugged up in the nightie.

I can’t pretend I didn’t enjoy it either.

The whole thing was like a holiday for me (apart from the weather).

However, once back home, I soon fell into a kind of despair — that things would never change, apart from getting worse.

I should stress this despair was not just (or even primarily) about too much dressing up. There are three elephants haunting this blog that I haven’t much mentioned so far:

  • My work is very precarious (I’m a self-employed computer programmer/statistician). I have been very lucky so far, but over the last year or so I have become increasingly conscious of the need to give my business a solid foundation.
  • In the autumn of 2014, and into 2015, our son had a series of minor illnesses, culminating in an attack of something like glandular fever, and followed by an extended period of intense fatigue — from which which he’s still recovering. His school was far from supportive and we are now teaching him at home (he’s 15).
  • In the spring of 2015 my wife’s closest uncle died. This was very upsetting for her. She was also his executor, and spent a fair amount of time wrapping up his estate. This had various impacts on the family, her work and her health.

*** Christmas 2015

We had a very quiet and tender Christmas looking after each other.

I read a nice little book about Christmas Carols. I seem to enjoy being in this space, at any level.

*** Next

Pivot 2: up

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  1. “Wearing God” by Lauren F. Winner | Luke 7:39
  2. 2016: a felix culpa of a year | Luke 7:39

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