Green September, Gold October

** September review

*** Don’t

Well towards the end I can’t deny I was following the letter rather than the spirit of the law, e.g., browsing through a twitter follower’s TL knowing they had plenty of softcore pics. However, it’s more important to focus on the successes:

  • no porn or lingerie browsing in the office
  • no wearing or buying
  • resisting the siren call of high-heeled shoes quite good

After an initial period of hardening, my attitude to the woman in the office next door has softened again. The other day, in a flash of inspiration, I realised that I simply had a crush on her. Probably obvious to anyone reading this blog, but not to me :D. Since I realised that, the kind of pent up anger has been dissipating — although the attention hasn’t.

Ogling women not so good, especially towards the end of the month, and especially when I was in a bad mood.

*** Do

Praying every night at bed time, and often every morning. Often very heartfelt prayers — with little grace or structure I’m afraid.

I read a handful of Christian blog posts every day. They are a comfort and an inspiration — in the sense of helping me inhabit the right mindset. Soon I’d like to write something about the kinds of bloggers I like to read and why.

Attentiveness to my wife is much better and has developed into a good habit. For example when she speaks to me I stop completely what I’m doing and give her full attention — I close my book, my notepad, my laptop; take off my glasses. Coming into a room I always make sure she’s rested and comfortable before I sit down. Oddly, different to previous attempts, I am managing to do all this without coming over as fussy.

** October preview

After Green September comes Golden October.

I have to admit, today (Saturday 3rd; wife out all day) has been fairly porn-soaked, but onward.

I think my main learning points from September are:

  • progress is possible; bad habits can be broken
  • the key is not so much “banning” things, but self-control, self-management even
  • the social context I put myself in (e.g. the Christian blogs) has a measurable effect
  • weakest times are (a) boredom, and especially (b) when I’m in a bad mood
  • Splurges gonna splurge. I should allow for that — not in the sense of “turning a blind eye” but in the sense of the aforementioned self-management
  • although the topic has taken over this blog for september, I don’t want this blog to just be about that, or even mainly about that.

So my focus for October will be self-awareness, self-management, and self-control — not just (or even mainly) about “that” but generally: have a five minute break from programming every hour, eat fruit, go for walks. The nitty-gritty about “that” I will mainly take off this blog to my diary.

I’ve tended to read Christian blogs at bedtime as part of winding down. I’ll spread that through the day and in the morning. I am always up and out first during the week. I don’t want to read scripture while chewing my toast, but reading some Christian blogs will be a nice way to start the day. It definitely helps my state of mind. Possibly something to turn to when I’m in my surly moods.

Lastly I want to finish my second read through of the Psalms this month, and in November start thinking about learning. Granted I’m on the longer Psalms now (17 lines plus) and I don’t think I’ll be putting any long Psalms into my Christmas present, but I’m also after an overall feel for the Psalms as a body.

Here goes.

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