Bad habits update

A quick review of the situation and next steps.

Recall my bad habits are:

  • watching porn
  • looking at women
  • wearing ladies underwear

Watching porn

This is going very well.

*** “Lesbians” only

In the middle of July I put myself on a “lesbians only” porn regime. I grant that this will probably not impress many of my readers here, but I think it’s worth noting. I was finding straight hardcore porn too rough and mechanical. I stuck to the regime, and I enjoyed it a lot.

Anyway, the point here is that it was a kind of “diet” where I was making and sticking to a commitment — small as it was — to avoid certain sights — and fantasies actually: my idle sexual fantasy life just about evaporated (at least its porn incarnation).

*** No porn at all

On 18th August I read Trusting God with My Marriage, a guest post by Robi of Hopeful Wife Today, about discovering her husband’s porn habit affected her marriage, and what they have been doing since. I thought it was a very powerful post. I was moved to comment, and I’ve been reading her own blog as well.

I have not looked at any porn since that day! And I’m not really missing it.

Looking at women

This is the thing I’m most struggling with now. I have good days and I have bad days. Really I am disgusted with myself. This needs a special post to itself.

Wearing ladies underwear

I have more or less given myself up to this. I enjoy it so much and it is such a comfort. I’m not travelling on business very much at the moment, and Wife and Son are rarely away together, so I don’t have much opportunity.

I cycle to work quite early and shower at work. After shower slipping into panties and bra is so nice. I wear the bra for half an hour or so as long as I think it’s safe.

The “no porn” could probably be qualified, as most days I will have at least a quick look at some lingerie sections of online department stores. I’d like to cut that out, especially as I’m not going to be buying any more any time soon.

Next steps

I want to write more here about these bad habits. Reading Robi’s post was very helpful for me.

Shortly after starting my “lesbians only” regime I started a new blog, thinking I would write there about these things, but I don’t thing a separate blog would be a good idea: it would probably end up as too much of a “celebration” of the bad habits.

I worry that I might alienate the few readers I have. However, I think this is the right venue to tackle these issues.

Part of tackling these issues will be writing more often about my wife.

So, I am going to try and writing something every week (writing will not be elegant). I’ll try and rotate topics: my bad habits; my wife; reading; being a Christian.

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