Bad habits: review of 2014 and prospect for 2015

One of the points of this blog is to help me get control of (i.e., break) my bad habits. As this took a major step forward at the beginning of 2014, I thought now would be a good time to review progress and think what the next twelvemonth might bring.

It seems I haven’t blogged about what I did at the beginning of 2014. Odd how some things can just slip off the todo list and not get done …

I lie! I did mention it — safely buried halfway through my review of the Fantasy Fallacy.

review

fetish

Throwing out my entire “stash” at the beginning of the year effectively broke this habit. I haven’t bought anything new, and the one pair I kept has stayed locked away. Dressing up now feels rather distant — something I used to do.

My /tastes/ remain — I occasionally browse my two favourite lingerie sites (Marks and Spencer and Boux Avenue if you’re interested), and I follow a handful of “pin-up”s with my flickr account — but that’s fine. My tastes are not part of the target.

I think deep down, I don’t regard dressing up (or fancying men who dress up) as wrong, just inconvenient.

pron

Not a lot of progress here I have to admit. Immersion in pr0n was my self-annihilation of choice in 2014. However, something strange has been happening over the last few months, as I’ve been reading the Bible more and more, and as I’ve been hanging out on twitter as @unnameab73 more often.

The feelings that send me to porn, sometimes instead send me to a Psalm, or to @unnameab73’s favourites. It feels like a gruesome suggestion to make, but somehow these two things — porn and the Bible — seem to be meeting the same need. Whatever that “need” is, or those feelings.

My tactic now is to stop worrying about the porn habit — that will take its course. However, when “those” feelings arise, I’ll try and remember to turn to a Psalm. Maybe a favourite, maybe a new one. It doesn’t have to explicitly address whatever I’m feeling. It’s more about putting myself in a kind of situation, feeling the presence of God and Jesus, and this strange Christian I-don’t-know-what-it-is.

looking

Habits I’ve had and got rid of in the past — from biting my nails to smoking — tend to go into this final phase, during which I experience them as a kind of affliction or annoyance. Increasingly the habit feels external to me. It’s like a scab. I still battle against it, and it might take a short or a long time to get rid of it completely. But once it’s in this phase, it never comes back.

That’s where this habit of eyeing up women is now. I imagine I’ll see the back of it sometime this year.

prospect

I think prospects are good. I need to stay awake, and most of all I need to enjoy the good things. The Bible is always with me now, and the Psalms are very much growing on me.

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