Little victories

So yesterday was a whole day without looking at porn! Not in the office, not on my phone at home.

I was weak and bad in many ways but I am grateful for this little victory, which is real.

I thank Jesus for giving me encouragement and strength, and I thank God for not barging in and fucking it all up. Sorry I mean I thank God for showing a way that was open.

Every day I am reading a bit of the Bible (currently Mark’s gospel) and a bit of Bonhoeffer. Bonhoeffer is exactly right for me but he is too strong. I feel his pull like tugging hard a chain or a leash.

I don’t seem to be praying much at the moment. But (starting yesterday) I have re-started giving myself 5 minutes quiet time when I arrive at the office in the morning (arrive 7:30, shower, desk by 8:00). That means I approach the day more calmly, I can plan, I close and leave work tidily (or at least I did yesterday LOL).

Today I hope and pray that I can build on yesterday’s little victory:

  • Not to look at any porn
  • Not to jump up whenever I hear a car door or hard high heels tapping outside in the car park
  • (more difficult) Not to think “fat-arsed slut” and start fantasising whenever I see the fa^D^D lady from the office next door (mutatis mutandis the receptionist downstairs)
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  1. Jesus praying in Mark | Luke 7:39

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